Ten things I don't think you could have told me about being a mom.

There's a lot of books and magazines and blogs out there that are supposed to help you get ready for being a mom. They pretty much tell you to "expect the unexpected," but here's some general guidelines. Here are ten things no magazine or article could have told me about being a mom.

1. When Guppy was first breastfeeding and drinking from a bottle, I thought "Why do people keep giving me all these bibs? I mean, they're cute, but he doesn't really get that messy." Then, Guppy started eating. Still, not significantly messy. Then, as time wore on, Guppy would easily go through one, if not two bibs per meal. And I would often grab one to wipe my hands on. And he would have Cheerios stuck all over his body, and peas, and bananas, and no bib can keep the food from going up his sleeves. I sure do a lot of laundry now.

2. Sleep is weird. I don't feel like I will ever sleep again. Guppy is in a different room, but I still hear all his sneezes and pants. If he sleeps through the night, then I wake up and worry. If he sleeps in, I can't. I wait for him to wake up. And, just when I thought he was sleeping great, he started teething. Teething is terrible.

3. I could watch this kid all day. He is so stinking cute. I know all moms are supposed to think their babies are cute, but I think Guppy has a special edge. I hear it's his eyelashes.

4. Spit-up doesn't just happen after a bottle. It seems to be a completely random and chance event. Who knew?

5. Sometimes, after a long day, when I haven't seen him, I just LONG for him. I get a weird feeling in my gut where I just miss him so much. Even if he's with my mom or at home, I can't wait to get him.

6. I'm a little bit momma-bear-ish. In my head, this parenting thing should be rational and able to be planned out. But when someone is holding him too long, or they say something about his "stork-bite," I want to snatch him away. HE'S MINE, DARNIT.

7. I just want to be alone with him. I like to talk to him, but when other people are around, I feel gay about our conversations. So, I wait until we're alone, then I talk to him. It seems like everyone talks to him all the time, so I like our alone time so I can make him special, like my son.

8. I better watch my language. I just know he's going to pay me back for swearing by saying something terrible as his first word. And I try so hard to watch it.

9. Baby lotion and shampoo are the best smells EVER. And the way Guppy smells after a bath, while I'm rocking him to sleep, is the happiest smell ever and I want to cry just typing it. Actually, I want to go get him out of his crib where he is sleeping, and cuddle.

10. I have had some great pets. Some awesome dogs, and a really funny cat. But this kid takes the cake. I like him, no love him, more than anything ever. I can't picture my life without him.